I’m writing this from my bed on a Saturday afternoon. Not that the location matters, but for days now I’ve been down sick and naturally, when I slow down I start reflecting.
The last month has been… I think intense is probably the best word to describe it. I think ‘intense’ is a pretty accurate word to describe me, full stop, end of! I know I’m not always easy to be around, I’m definitely not easy to live with and I have a tendency for extremes, so it seems pretty accurate. Sound familiar?
Part of me feels self indulgent and tiny bit narcissistic, but that often happens when I slow down. I get into my head and start doubting myself, second guessing what I’m doing instead of just trusting. Again, if you’re ready this that is probably familiar. So I’m framing this whole blog as a ‘how to’ guide for what I do when the sh- hits the fan, when it gets more busy than you anticipated or just how to pick yourself back up when you’ve had a knock.
The first thing I’ve done here is by framing everything with a specifically neutral word. Intense can have both positive and negative connotations but it feels more forgiving than say, stressful or dramatic, or difficult or exhausting.
It is such a simple trick but, lawyer that I will always be, I focus on the words and what they create. You only need to spend a day repeating the word drama, or stressful or overwhelming to start feeling constricted by the word and meaning, to start subscribing to the limits of what you have imposed upon yourself.
This isn’t a particularly ‘woo’ thing. It’s just simple language.
Pay attention to what you are saying and how you are labelling yourself. It’s Burnout and Imposter Syndrome 101. Your words always have meaning and often that subconscious selection helps you identify what you truly think or feel, or what you need or are too afraid to ask for.
So, reframed from something restrictive to something more manageable. Check.
If intense has been the word of the past month then care is the word moving forward.
It is incredibly easy for any problem-fixer to disregard the positive in favour of the ‘to be fixed’ and I am still as liable to fall into this trap as anyone else. That’s why I’m sticking with the label intense.
There have been many truly brilliant things that have happened over the past month. I’ve booked multiple Burnout Prevention Sessions with law firms and law-adjacent companies and am currently in the second wave of discussions, bookings and follow up. I already know stages 2 and 3 of what I want to offer and am dancing in my head with the possibilities.
I have started working with new 1:1 clients who move at the speed of light, and which feels absolutely brilliant. I love when new clients present themselves to me as ready, willing and able. I also love that my clients appear as if out of nowhere and do the thing. It is so incredible to watch their journey.
There are things that have been far less great. Many of them are personal to others and stories that I will not share, but there have been some challenges that are ongoing among people I care deeply about.
Towards the end of last month we received the shocking news that an old friend had died by suicide. There is nothing that will make this ok. However, I long ago chose to believe that every thing that happens can create some positive impact, even amongst the pain.
It doesn’t remove or override the pain, but beauty and pain can co-exist and often even fuel each other; making peace with this is one of the ongoing challenges we all face. This is where my mantra (and blog title!) of progress over perfection comes in. Even in utopia, there is death and loss. It we strive for perfection, we must try to ignore or overlook that pain can still happen. If we strive for progress, then we are more secure and content in the knowledge that pain can and will arise, but that it is part of the cycle, part of our growth and therefore not something to be feared, but to be as cherished as our moments of love and success.
Is that dark or deep, perhaps too deep for a Saturday afternoon? Oh well, I’m sure you can handle it.
I go looking for the best in every situation, not because it reconciles the bad side of it or to make it ‘worth while’, but because I choose to believe that I get better every day, can learn every day, and that means looking at everything that happens with an open mind.
Does that make me some kind of yogi who is always well balanced and never overwhelmed? Does it hell! Too many people are willing to bypass their ‘negative’ emotions for balance, not realising that they’re cutting out half their life with it.
So that’s why I say that the last month has been ‘intense’. It has been full of brilliantly wonderful things that have happened and are still happening, together with some bloody horrible things that will resolve in time.
As a result of everything that has happened, my reflection, and the fact that I’m sitting in bed with an ugly virus at 3.30pm on a Saturday afternoon, I already know the actions I get to take.
I get to eat more veggies and offer my body what it needs to perform. That’s not selfish; I need to be well in order to do my best work to help others. Pretty simple, right?
I can already feel the next programmes and products I want to launch percolating their way through my brain, but first it’s time for a tidy up and a neaten up, and I think something pretty wonderful that will have a few of you delighted.
I get to forgive myself for slowing down, knowing that it is necessary on a regular basis in order to speed up again. It’s all about the long term impact, not whether a single day changed the world.
What about you?
What do you know you need in order to be the best version of you that you can be?