You get used to knock-backs in the course of a career.
Bad feedback, negative energy from a manager, systems failures, sometimes shit just goes wrong.
But dealing with the more personal affronts, that takes work.
Yesterday I emailed to say that the launch of my new offering was being postponed as I was dealing with an emergency.
It wasn't a hugely well thought out post; it shared a picture and explained that I wouldn't be talking as promised because of this.
Perhaps not well thought out but deeply, incredibly personal.
So, when 7 (count 'em) 7 separate people read that email and unsubscribed from my email list (or marked it as spam?!) that hurt.
I started to draft an email raging about this before I stopped myself
(Mostly. Still a little raging though.)
Because it's not personal and it wasn't about me.
I could myself as incredibly lucky to have such a supportive and love-filled community of women that you have been reaching out to me in the group, by email. So I don't often have to face some of the harsh realities that we all face in our day jobs.
It's was my experience of being a lawyer, and a big part in my decision to found Searching for Serenity and make changes for others, that you sometimes have to be able to smile in the face of people who you are sure despise you and still be able to look yourself in the eye in the mirror and be happy with what you see.
If you're looking for your clients to always love you, your pupils to swoon at your feet and your colleagues be endlessly amazed at your sheer skill, then you're not living a professional life, you're trying to be Cinderella at the ball.
Your clients will sometimes (often) hate you.
Not necessarily for you or what you have done, but for what you represent. For a focal point of their relentless anger at the helplessness of their situation.
Your pupils will not universally adore you. Often they will identify you as an oppressive force who simply doesn't understand them (because, truly, who does understand a teenager?)
Your colleagues will not swoon in adoration at your doing all your work quicker, more accurately, with better outcomes than them. They will feel undermined, threatened, or just downright indifferent if they do not identify with their work as much as you do.
Which brings me back to my point; it's not personal, it's professional.
You've got to be able to roll with the punches, fall in the dirt, get up, dust yourself off whilst moving forward.
Because honey your job, the work you do, your career, it isn't about you.
It's really got nothing to do with you.
You are a very small piece of a very large puzzle, whether you work in a law firm, an accountancy practice, a school, a tiny little start up office.
Even if you work by yourself in your business (like I do here) you have to remember that you are but one voice in the chorus of other people's lives.
Multiply those voices out and realise that you could spend your entire life pushing a very large boulder up a hill for no good reason. You can push and push but if you are one voice in a chorus, well, sometimes it just isn't worth the effort.
On the face of the planet, that one boulder is so very small.
There is a whole world swirling around you. Time is ticking by.
You can choose to take responsibility for every moment of every life around you or surrender to the fact that you are just one voice in a chorus.
Gaining perspective on your own position is a marvellous thing, when you realise how deeply you can impact someone and yet raise zero awareness for another.
But don't let that overwhelm you; be inspired, be driven, have a message to share with the world, take it seriously, but don't forget that this is your one life.
A single life. A single existence in that chorus.
And remember that yours is the most precious of all.
So next time some insensitive asshole steps all over you and hurts your feelings just remember - your life is infinitely precious, and it's time you were a bit more protective of where you expend your energy.
