I have woken up with a fire in my belly today. A few things seemed to explode whilst I was happily snoring last night and I'm busy figuring out where I stand on a few issues.
But one thing I absolutely, resolutely believe in, is the synchronicity, the complete reciprocity I have with my clients.
We may disagree on one or two minor points or implement them in different ways but there are some fundamental truths that we agree on. Sometimes I let my message get drowned out by what I think I should say, that I shouldn't alienate people, that I should be a little more circumspect.
Except I've done that before. And I fucking hated it.
I sat in meetings with people whose privilege was immense and their emotional intelligence tiny. I've been pretty lucky that in more than a decade of law I only met a small handful of people who I despised. The vast majority of my clients were incredible, driven, determined people who may have gone through a shitty time, but were still more interested in growing and learning.
But there were a few whose mindsets were completely fixed. Rigid. 100% inflexible. They also tended to be the most privileged, least informed and most judgmental.
Back then, my job was to service those clients, complete my functions and get out. Helping those people who had no interest in anyone or anything other than themselves and their money made me sick, frustrated, angry.
I'm not prepared to hold back, to swallow the anger and frustration any more. I'm not going to pander to anyone who thinks that my job is to do my job and shut the fuck up otherwise.
I'm speaking out. I am also actively removing anyone whose views just don't align with mine. I love a healthy debate (ex-lawyer after all), I'm open to hearing more and learning and growing, but there are some lines that I won't cross.
A few years back I would have sat there and taken it.
I would have assumed that other people knew better than me, or that I didn't have the strength or the choice to do anything about it.
Instead today, I get to take a more balanced approach.
My time on this planet, my attention span and frankly, my fucks to give, are limited. You will hear me talk plenty about our attention frequency illusion and cognitive filters; the concepts that we see what we expect to see and notice with greater frequency the things that are brought to our attention.
This means that I will notice more frequently that which irritates me, because by irritating me it's put front and centre in my mind.
However, if I consciously CHOOSE to curate the information that I receive; for example by spending more time with people who inspire me, elevate my thoughts, who are able to see the complexities of an issue and expand my thinking around the topic, then... well the same applies. It's put front and centre in my mind, I pay more attention to it naturally.
This is why I tell my clients from the absolute get go to soak themselves in positivity - to keep reminders and prompts everywhere, to journal, to marshal their thoughts n the way that they choose. Because it's always there, always bringing you back to the place you choose instead of the place that you will naturally (usually, positive and self-supporting instead of that negative internal loop that you just cannot switch off at 3am when the insomnia kicks in).
This is why, whilst still stand by Evelyn Beatrice Hall's quote 'I disapprove of what you say but I will defend to the death your right to say it', I am actively filtering out people whose views I find jarring, incompatible or outright offensive.
Because ultimately, I value my own life, happiness and health above that of random people whose words are amplified through privilege or a simple social media cacophony of noise.
It isn't failure or social irresponsibility or even closed minded to let go of the opinions of those you disagree with, of walking away instead of trying to persuade them of the truth of your argument.
It is instead a form of self-respect. That my energy and my time are better spent improving my life and the lives of people who stand with me, whose views mesh with my own, than trying to persuade someone else that they are wrong and I am right.
I encourage you to do this today.
If someone in your office gets into preach and teach mode and you disagree with them, what happens if you tune them out, ignore them, don't allow yourself to get frustrated and angry. How do you feel as a result?
Remember that your first priority is yourself; your health and energy. There is a time and a place for debate, but make it a choice instead of a default.
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