This one is going to be rough, it’s not going to be a love and light, help and support kind of blog. Because I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but it’s kind of a mess right now.

Emotions are running high, bad news and difficulty abounding. We are all in this enforced quarantine situation and pretty quickly the jokes about having time to relax and finally write that novel are falling away as the reality of a mild form of imprisonment starts to take hold.

Lack of autonomy.
Lack of control.
Lack of resources.
Scarcity and fear.

Yes, they abound bountifully right now, and it isn’t in the distant and sanitised state that we are used to, It used to be ok to be magnanimous and a bleeding heart because the people who were hurting were other, removed, away from.

Now it’s all of us.
And if my social media is anything to go by, just about everyone is acting out, acting up or just acting that it’s all ok as they slowly fall apart.

For those of you who aren’t in those categories, congratulations. You probably already know something about what I’m going to say here, whether it’s been deliberate or otherwise.

If your fundamental safety has been shaken in some way; whether that’s by a pay cut or furlough or being laid off, whether it’s by the fear of your physiological safety and staying well, a lack of resources at the shops or the exhaustion of managing your home, your kids, your work, your boss and the potential financial hole everyone seems to be predicting, then you have a choice.

Yes, even whilst your safety is shaken you have a choice.

You can give in to the fear, panic, worry, exhaustion and let it completely consume you, blaming groups, getting divisive, getting grabby over resources and indulging in some of the most basic bad behaviours going.

Or you can guard your goddamn mind and stop getting sucked into the victim role.

Here’s what I know. Right now, you’re going to be waiting a long damn time to be rescued. So you’re going to have to do it yourself.

Do I mean adopt a stiff upper lip, pretend everything is ok, keep calm and carry on?
Fuck no, I do not.

It’s perfectly reasonable, acceptable and understandable to rail, scream, cry, to talk about your fears and frustrations, your worries and weirdness. What is NOT ok is to then indulge in this hierarchy of pain bullshit that’s flying around; other people have it tougher. Or to let your pain spill out over everyone else. There’s a lot of crappy communication, lack of empathy, pulling up the drawbridge behaviour and there’s even more emotional firehosing going on. People who are scared and worried signalling it everywhere for people to see, between weaponised language and using vulnerability as a way of garnering attention, a small step in the ‘being rescued’ narrative.

How do we do that? how do we walk the line between feeling our vulnerability without drowning ourselves (or other people) in it?

It starts by accepting that uncomfortable is, for now, our new norm. It’s not ok, but it’ll have to be for now.

Secondly, jealously guarding your mind.

This means not listening to news 24/7 whilst you work from home. Be informed, but don’t marinate in the pain of it.

This means checking in with friends but not allowing them to dump everything on you. Make sure that they support you as much as you support them (big learning curve for my problem fixing martyr clients!).

Deliberately focusing on the good and stepping away. Again, I don’t mean papering over the cracks of instability with a maniacal grin and bottle of gin, but by looking for the bright sparks in each day. They are there, if you choose to look for them.

Remember who you are. If you’re reading this you are already resilient and tenacious as hell. You look to help others before yourself and you almost always see the good in others, even when you’re beginning to burn out.

Finally, know this. It is going to be temporary. But that doesn’t devalue your struggle in the meantime. Please, stop trying to be so damn stoic about it all, because we can see the cracks start to show. Now is a time for vulnerability, self-compassion and support.