Just a week after International Mental Health Day and all the ‘it’s ok not to be ok’ talk has pretty much died away.

It’s been the catchphrase for what feels like years now, encouraging us to talk, to share our struggles, to tell the truth. Is it really true though? Is it ok not to be ok?

A friend said this to me this week when we talked about admitting the truth of what we feel.

Yes, imposter syndrome, shame and fear is strong within most of us, the perfectionist tendencies driving us toward overworking, overachieving and under-caring for ourselves. Yes, we worry about what our struggle means to us.

However, there is a very large chasm between admitting the full truth of our fears and how we feel, and telling others that we are struggling.

Most of us have admitted, in some form or another, that we are not ok.

Maybe you’ve called your Employee Assistance Programme.
Perhaps you have told your manager that you’re struggling under your workload.
Chatting to your friends over dinner and confiding that you’re breathless trying to keep up and have been looking for solutions.

Most of us have the emotional literacy to speak up to some degree, even if it’s not the full extent of the problem.

This issue isn’t in admitting to ourselves that there is a problem, or even speaking up about that problem in a very real and practical sense. It’s what comes next that is the issue.

What happens when you tell your boss you’re overworked?
What happens when you tell your partner you’re feeling down?
What happens when you tell your friends that you’re feeling stretched beyond your limits?

Well here’s the sticky mess that gave rise to our ‘but really, it’s not ok to not be ok’ conversation.

Saying you’re not ok means absolutely nothing unless something changes.

It means your manager doing more than telling you that you’re doing a wonderful job and honest, really, they are recruiting (we’ve heard that one before).
It means actually asking for help and letting yourself receive support when you open up.

And yes, on an individual basis it means taking responsibility, searching out the support that you need, making your health and wellness a priority. It means letting go of the ‘I don’t have time’ paradigm which we all know is little more than a euphemism for ‘I make sure everyone else is ok before I take care of myself’.

When it comes to stress, to resilience, to burnout there is plenty of responsibility to share and there are plenty of pieces of the puzzle that come together to create your own individual burnout recovery story.

Here is what I see over and over again.

Bright, ambitious, quick and capable employee starts work.
Same employee takes on more responsibility.
And more.
They begin to struggle.
They ask for help; they flag the broken systems, the chronic overwork, their struggles.
But they are identified as bright, ambitious, capable.
And so they are left to continue working above and beyond their capacity, until they begin to crack.
At that point, some rather mediocre steps are taken. They are encouraged to take time off work, or promised that they will be given more support, or a payrise, as a sticking plaster to get them through.
And the cycle begins again.

It angers me because there are so many opportunities for everyone involved to make big changes and really see a sustainable difference, but we are all so focused on the immediate need, the immediate problem that sustainability and long-term gains take a back seat to immediate cost cutting, to ‘getting to the weekend’ thinking and ‘it’ll all be ok when…’ forecasting.

If you’re ready this and you identify with the cycle above then know that your being bright and capable is a blessing, not a curse, but it’s time to make a change. I meet clients at every stage on this journey, from those who have had a single incidence of overwork and breakdown to those for whom it has become a way of life over decades of work. What I know from experience is that the longer those cycles repeat, the harder it is to effect real and meaningful change. That means more time off work, more time devoted to change and yes, money and energy too.

If you’re reading this and recognise the cycle within your staff and employees, please know that if you don’t take real steps to break this cycle of overstretching and breaking down that you are causing long term damage to your individual staff members, your team and the bottom line of your business. The constant short term win chasing must be replaced by a real and sustainable method for change. Recruit the staff, buy the new IT system, invest in consultancy with burnout and mental health experts because you’re lining up more problems than you may be able to handle further down the line.

My concern isn’t whether we’re developing more language to talk about our worries and struggles, I know that we are. But without meaningful and long lasting change to the way we approach our problems, does it really matter whether or not we are ok?

PS The first two Burnout Prevention Sessions are now booked in the diary, isn’t it time we talked about it?

In this lunch and learn session we are going to cover: What burnout is Why it matters to you How to spot it, and How to prevent it Yes, that’s a lot in an hour but I’m going to be giving you practical guidance, action steps to take and full notes to digest and implement after the event.

Why should your company care about burnout?

1. because the best and brightest are most likely to burn out

2. because as we get busier and more successful, the overwork cycle gets worse

3. burnout affects the bottom line - what would happen to your team’s billing if your best lawyer started to struggle?

4. burnout doesn’t just affect individuals but can drag down entire teams and poison personnel morale

So, which firms should I be speaking to first? email me directly at hello@searchingforserenity.co.uk or message me on linkedin www.linkedin.com/in/leahysteele if you’re a manager who cares about having a wildly successful, happy and thriving team (with the billing to back it up!)